Girl vs Dog - The Battle of a Canine Language Barrier with Luxury Leather.
It was my second full day in Italy and I woke up at 6:30, which is the earliest my alarm has been set on this Voyage, but it was for a good cause - a Tuscan "wine" tour. I planned ahead knowing that I would need to hit snooze at least three times, shower, and make the two mile trek to the central tour meeting location. It's amazing the things you will do in the name of wine. Right on schedule, I walked out the door as I had strategically intended. I was staying at the home of a lovely lady in Porta Romana, a town right outside of Florence. Also residing in the residence was a two year old boxer named "Riek". Riek was friendly and excited to meet me. I thought him to be a sweet canine and seemed quite manageable upon first greeting. Was I ever wrong.......
As mentioned, I was on time when I set foot on the path that led to the garden exit. Riek was on that same path and what a morning dog he is! He did not want me to leave and he let me know it! I said "Hello Riek" in my nice dog voice that I use when speaking to loving pets and babies (sidenote: dogs and babies are uncannily similar.) Anyways, he saw this as an invitation to pounce. My sweet voice quickly changed into a loud, boisterous "NO" that resonated from deep within my diaphragm. Caesar Milan, the dog whisperer, says to always let the dog know who is in charge and who the leader of the wolf pack is. Clearly this pooch has issues with authority or I did not make my point, Riek began to bite my Louis Vuitton purse. Oh noooo he didn’t! No one messes with Louis V. Back it up puppy dog!
"NOOOOOOO!!!! BAD DOG" I bellowed, but now Riek was engaged in a game than I wanted no part in.( I must say, he does have good taste in handbags. Touche’.)
I tried to move forward but I was blocked and jumped on by Riek. Please take note of the fact that I’m barely 5’1 and this dog was of equal or greater stature. I tried to turn around and go hide inside the house - blocked and pounced upon again. The evening before, I learned to say a word in Italian that meant "sit" but that escaped my memory and it was utterly impossible to reach for my 'google translator' due to the fact Riek was trying to eat my fine leather good that contained my one useful tool when dealing with language barriers.
If this dog was anything similar to a bear, I knew running would only make matters worse. I even considered falling to the ground to "play dead" like they say to do if you encounter a bear but laying vulnerable on the ground in the presence of a male, un-snipped mongrel is less than the best of all potential ideas. Instead, I took a broad stance, grasped my Louis V like there was no tomorrow, and with both hands began to use my bag as a shield all the while allowing copious amounts of profanity to rush out my mouth. Into battle I went . The last thing on anyones mind when they are fighting a dog with luxury leather goods is “hmm, I really should be lady like right now so my mouth doesn’t get washed out with soap.” For some reason, in the heat of the moment, the four letter words were just rolling off the tip of my tongue like butter. FYI - the "F" word is not universal when it comes to taming dogs and establishing that you are attempting to be the head of the wolf pack. Caesar Milan left this one out for sure!
"Riekkkkkkk", " I'm not going to get any wine!!" Wow, way to get your priorities straight, Jfair!
I had done all that I could and before tears began to swell, I finally decided to treat Riek as the demon dog that he was appearing to be. " In the name of JESUS, I COMMAND you to leave me ALONNEEEEEEE and let me go have some WINEEEEEEE!!!!!" From obscenities to the name of Jesus , doesn’t He love us so well! It’s not how you start, it is how you finish, right? It was in God's hands now, He was the only one that could whisper in this italian dog's ear.(Caesar Milan- take that) Well, there is power in prayer! Can I get an "Amen"?!? Riek suddenly backed away (or at least he was less aggressive) and I was able to get away, me and Louis V unharmed. A true miracle in deed.
This did place a kink in my time schedule, but the ordeal that followed is a whole other story. To be continued....
