Overcoming October

On October 25, five years ago, my life experienced it’s own personal earthquake. My comfort and security were shaken as explosions of fear entered in leaving me a prisoner. Not only was I stripped of dignity, but I was left having to defend who I was while having to process and sort through all that had been stolen from me. Vulnerable, exposed, terrified, numb, and confused- I had a choice. Where would I go from here?

Terrible situations can happen in life leaving you completely broken. It is in those moments when you feel like you have absolutely nothing inside, quenched with pain - that is if you can feel anything at all, when you actually have the most. You are left with a choice, a choice to choose Him. Bitterness wants you to question ”Why would I choose you if you let this happen in the first place?” But that is not truth nor is it reality - The nature of God is good and just and anything that contradicts, is a lie. As I was faced with the decision of whether I was going to react to the lies or respond to His truth, despite the things I did not understand, I realized that anything less than Him would not be enough. I was shown that although I had been a victim of a traumatic event that He had the power to turn the victimization into victory. Where the spirit of the Lord is, there is Freedom. 

God can and always does create beauty from ashes. It may be impossible to visualize while in the midst of pain and turmoil, but that is who He is. I know this as fact. My life bares the fruit. By His grace and goodness, I am an overcomer. 

To be quite honest, I have never fully let on or shared the magnitude by which I was impacted - especially not five years later. During the season of the recovery process it was evident but past that point, you would never know. I always chose to move forward. As my dad says, “if you are waiting on me, you are holding back.” Movement, breakthrough, and healing aside, I was deeply affected. I am a much stronger person. Since the October 25 of 2006, there has not been a single week that has gone by where the specific event has not crossed my mind - whether by purpose or subconsciously. It changed me. Sometimes I wonder if there will be a time where I am “less reminded” but until then I have to choose to trust and continue to choose Him. Fear would love to be given access into my life, but I have no place for it. 

Some might ask, “if you are TRULY healed and over what took place, then how can you still be reminded of it every week since?” When a traumatic event takes place, you don’t forget. You can block it or try to ignore it (not recommended) but you never forget. This is my philosophy - in this particular instance, it is not an issue of whether or not it remains in my mind, it is what I choose to do with the thoughts. Not all thoughts are bad thoughts. The goal is for my thoughts to draw me closer to the heart of the Father.  Even the most horrific memories can be given a good and useful purpose. Whether great or small - God is the  master of all things needing redemption. I have been given several opportunities to share my testimony and help others in similar situations. It has been beautiful. My victory can now be used as a tool to gain future victories.  

As the 5th anniversary of this particular event has rolled around, I have encountered a plethora of emotions. By no means do I consider it to be a coincidence. God’s timing is perfect and as He has been reminding me of how I have been an “overcomer”. He has also been reminding me that it is not by my own strength. It has been very humbling. Each day I have to choose to surrender to Him. No matter how strong or resilient I may feel, He still holds the keys and answers to the future. Anything that I try to do without His aid will fall short. I was born for great things and I simply cannot achieve the dreams I have for my life without Him. 

I share all this because we were all born to be over-comers and at some point and time, if not constantly, we will have to make those decisions that will determine where we will head next. Pain is inevitable and there will be moments when we fall. The great thing is that we can fall forward. 

If you continue to make choices and decisions out of past pain and hurt, you will become a prisoner locked inside of yourself, waiting to eventually self destruct. There will never be satisfaction and you will always feel like a victim as if the world is against you. The void will be felt. You won’t step into the greatest that God has for your life. 

Choose Him! He will make the ashes and the mud in your life something beautiful. Keep in mind, that beauty is a process- just ask any woman you know. We do NOT wake up looking this good. There are certain steps and time required to get to the end goal. Embrace the process. Don’t let yourself go. 

Put your faith in the Father, forgive, fall forward, and flourish. Your life will be a beautiful testament of the victorious nature of God. You are an overcomer. You have already won. Make the choice.