Tuesday, November 22,2011
Holiday traveling. . Many find it to be somewhat stressful and undesirable, but I relish it. Other than the lack of sleep that takes place as a result of early departures and copious amounts of excitement that floods my mind pre-trip, there is a little piece of me that enjoys a two hour lay over, eating alone in an airport cafe, and having time to sit and do nothing but read, write, or listen to music. I also love to people watch. On this particular day as I head home for Thanksgiving, I have been especially entertained while giving notice to the “travel world” around me. These little nuggets are just too good to keep to myself.................
- It’s always 5:00. - Jimmy Buffet and Alan Jackson once sang “it’s five o’clock somewhere” and I am convinced that the “somewhere” must have been an airport. There has to be an unwritten globe-trotting law that states “Drink up - it doesn’t matter what time, how much, alone or with companion - the party starts now.” What would normally be deemed “inappropriate” according to a weekday (morning) social drinking standard now becomes acceptable because your feet are planted in the terminal.
- Traveling with small children. - Now I can only imagine that this is no easy task. While enjoying my coffee and eggs benedict (alone at the airport pub), I watched and separated this insight into several categories. 1) The frustrated stroller pushers. This one comes with the subcategory of 1a) frustrated stroller pusher who’s kid won’t ride in the stroller so now you have to manage a jet-setting child and a bulky stroller. 2) The “Chasers” = parents chasing eager and energized children through the airport. 3) The “Push-a-longs”. This occurs when a wee little chap is unable to walk at the same brisk pace as the adult. Damn those tiny legs. 4) The leash kids. This truly speaks for itself. As if turning the child tether into a cute little dog backpack is going to make the fact the KID is on a LEASH any less traumatic. And finally 5) The S.O.S’s - shoulder-outta-socket. Poor child being drug through the airport by their arms..... Of course there are normal child/parent travel relationships but those are less amusing and not as fun to write about.
- For every 20 people, 2 look like the uni-bomber, 9 have not been introduced to a hair brush, 3 need a hug ( I would but I think I’ll start with a smile), 1 can’t stop staring , and 5 are still in their pajamas which will lead me into my next point...(Today I lie somewhere around find me a hairbrush -I woke up at 4:00am and excessive staring. ) I love the diversity of life that makes the world go round.
- There is something romantic about the travel nostalgia that use to be when people got “dressed” for a days travel. Maybe it is the loss of pride or it could be the increase of laziness - the conclusion is yet to be determined. Hopefully ABC’s new show “Pan-Am” will aid in the comeback of flying in style. In the event that this does not take place, I believe it is completely possible to experience optimal traveling comfort with the absence of pajama jeans and flannel holiday sleep wear.
- Moving Walkways - a choice needs to be made and stuck with BEFORE you get on. Walk right, stand left, or my personal preference, make it your runway and work with whole thing. If space allows, make sure to include a hair flick, pivot, or dramatic full turn. Also, If you are feeling overly inspired, sing your own theme music.
- Speaking of walking, there are multiple walking techniques used to get from point A to point B. You’ve got the power walker, the continual watch looker, the confused drifter, the scowler, the creeper, the dilly-dallier, the ain’t got no clue someone is trying to pass you walker, and the business man on a mission.
- You find yourself having in-depth conversations with people for a lengthy period of time and no one introduces themselves until it’s time to say “goodbye”.
- Couples. - I love watching couples and creating my own internal dialogue concerning - “How did they meet? How long have they been together? Was it love at first sight? Did she play hard to get? How long will it last? Boxers, briefs, butt floss, boy-shorts, granny panties or commando? Where are they going? Are they equally attractive?” ect.. You know, the things that you think but don’t say out loud. This is especially entertaining for layovers longer than 2 hours. Intense creativity begins to flow if one is abiding by the unwritten globe-trotters law.
And these are all things that take place up to boarding the airplane. Once you are on, it is a whole new ball game. ..........
- Why is everyone so in a hurry to line up and sit on a plane for three hours where the seats have already been assigned?
- Junk and Booty in Your Face. - No, this is not a new, up and coming rap song. Let me explain - I prefer aisle seats. This preference is derived from my incessant need to remain hydrated. Aisle seats do have their come and go as you please perks, butt (pun intended) it also comes with a few traffic jams. After taking my seat, I proceeded to count how many times my personal space was infringed upon within a five minute span. I experienced 4 booties in the face, 2 junk in the face, and 0 “excuse me’s”. Granted, I understand that for some this may be a normal occurrence, but as for me, that is simply not how I roll. I like my bubble. Luckily, I am easily amused and can recognize the humor. I think next time I am going to pinch the butt that comes in contact with my face and give the violator a run for their money.
- I hate feeling like I am going to experience a severe reprimand for retiring to the lavatory while the fasten seat belt sign is still on. We are going to have a much bigger problem than turbulence if you force or guilt me to remain in my seat. Giving me dirty looks with your eyes is just going speed up the need for wrinkle reduction around those peepers. And is it really necessary to get on the loud speaker to tell everyone to remain seated directly after you glare me back to my seat? Point made.
- The airline seriously just tried to offer/entice me inflight entertainment for the small sum of $8.00 to view less than 3 hours of directv. Their catch phrase of choice “Looking for something fun to do?” 1) This is 1/7th of what I would pay to watch directv for a whole month so I have a hard time discerning how this is a “good deal” for me. 2) Save the money for the next layover appears to be the better choice...... It is 5:00 right?
- Flight Attendants - people person, friendly? Who knows. They are like shopping at Ross or TJ Max - total hit or miss. I do love when I come across the one who gets to bask in their 3 minutes of fame via stand up comedy show over the PA system upon take off or landing.
(Ah! There is junk in my face again, right now as I type. Nope, not going to pinch. Sometimes you just can’t fight fire with fire....... One person's "junk" may be another person's treasure but I think I am going to ahve to pass on this one.)
Well it looks like my plane is approaching it’s second to last destination, thus, I must shut down all electronic devices so that my MAC activity will not be responsible for affecting the pilots ability to land.... (Conspiracy theory I tell you.) I can’t wait to entertain myself during my next layover! Definitely better than the movies!
Happy holiday travels to all! Until next time.... Stay Fabulous!
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