Dear 16-Year-Old Self

If you had the ability to travel back in time and write your 16- year - old self a letter, what would it say? What is it you wish you would have known then that you know now? I recently read an article that produced that thought, thus evoking me to write a letter of my own...

Dear 16-year-old Jessica,

       First and foremost, I want to say that you have been created to stand out amongst the crowd. You are set a part. This will challenge you greatly - you will feel the need to squish yourself inside a mold, people please, and explain yourself. Once you grasp your identity, you are able to learn how to simply “be” and you will flourish. People won’t always agree and they won’t always understand, but remain true to what has been placed inside of you. Don’t regret any of the path it takes to get there. The fruit is extremely good and extremely God.

Everything great that you will do will flow from the place of intimacy and relationship that you have with Jesus. HE is your strength. HE is your joy. HE is your peace. HE is all you need. HE gets the glory. The love that you seek, find in Him. Be thankful always and choose to focus on what God is doing rather than the things you cannot see.  Learn to be content for it is a wonderful thing. Content with who God says you are, content being where He has you and where He is taking you, and content in the unknown. You DO NOT have to have all the answers and you never will. That is why it is called, “the peace that surpasses all understanding.” The greatest satisfaction comes from the place of surrender. That is where you grow.  You hear God. Don’t question that. Just remain as close to Him as possible. 

Be excellent in everything. It is amazing what you are able to do when you fully meet your potential. A teacher your senior year will remind you that you aren’t, but you won’t pay any attention to the idea for at least another 4 years. 

Dream big and run after that which is in your heart. Nothing is impossible and anyone that speaks otherwise, lacks inspiration themselves or has had their heart broken or dreams shattered. Share your enthusiasm with them and inspire them to dream again. Influence their mentality, don’t let them affect yours. 

Where you are passionate, you are anointed. Go with your gut. 

Your parents are so wise and so strong. They will love you no matter what you do and will become your best friends. The fights with your mother will turn to laughter. You will one day embrace the fact that you are a perfect split between your mom and dad. This is a good thing. You will also learn that they are much more fun than a vast majority of the people you know. Lucky you! They also have the biggest hearts and you should aspire to be as generous as them someday. You are blessed to call them yours and there is much to be learned by their lives.

Love yourself, love yourself, love yourself. Get rid of criticism and see what God sees. You are beautiful. One day you will truly believe that when you look into the mirror. Chill out.

You will be given many opportunities to lead. The best leaders are the ones who know how to serve and know when to share and/or give away their power. Get to know the hearts of those you lead, you will have greater influence. People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care. 

Take every opportunity to let those close to you know how much you love and value you them. One day you will not be able to. 

Boys aren’t as scary as you have been led to believe. They are however, insanely confusing and unpredictable. There are several things I would like you to know concerning this topic:

• If you break up with a guy (or if he breaks up with you), it is for a reason. Continuing to date them a 2nd, 3rd, and 4th time will produce the same results. You are wasting your time. You will see a few people where this works in their favor, but they are the exception to the rule.
• Heartbreak is inevitable. It will happen. But despite the disappointment you receive from time to time, when God is the one who is holding your heart, you are never really broken. He is the one who define’s you. Find someone to compliment you. 
• “Next” : remember that word. You will become quite fond of it and amused.
• Know your value and worth. Should you choose to date someone who is incapable of recognizing those two things, NEXT!
• Never have expectations of someone else that you aren’t first willing to be  or meet yourself. 
• There is no hurry. Enjoy your life. You won’t really “dry” up, technology just keeps getting better and better. ;)
• Throw out your “list” but never get rid of your values. 

Effective communication is key in all situations. 


Always moisturize. It is never too early to use wrinkle cream.

Always buy yourself flowers. It is the little things in life. 

Make consistent exercise a lifestyle choice. You will sleep better. 

Girls ARE funny.

Learn to simplify and de-clutter. This will be an impressive task for you.

Take every occasion to give and say “thank you”.

Around the age of 23 or 24 you will begin to experience a new emotion, “home-sick”. Don’t worry this is supposedly maturity kicking in. 

You tend to be a bit impulsive every now and then. I know that spontaneity fuels you, but try to think through things a little more from time to time. However, when you don’t, you will have some pretty good stories. 

You have the best friends ever. Enough said.

There is so much more I could elaborate on little miss sweet 16, but I think I have covered the most pivotal, at least for the time being.  More than anything, just be you and live and love to the fullest. There is no reason for regret, for in every situation something can be gained. God can and will make any bad situation beautiful. Expect that.  There are a few life lessons that you could stand to learn a bit sooner, however, the process that leads you to discovery will shape you in the grand and in the minute. There will always be much more to learn. You are  going to rock and dominate life and leave your mark on the world. Enjoy every moment!

Love Always,

Your 26-year-old self.

Holiday Traveling and Personal Entertainment

Tuesday, November 22,2011

Holiday traveling. . Many find it to be somewhat stressful and undesirable, but I relish it. Other than the lack of sleep that takes place as a result of early departures and copious amounts of excitement that floods my mind pre-trip, there is a little piece of me that enjoys  a two hour lay over, eating alone in an airport cafe, and having time to sit and do nothing but read, write, or listen to music. I also love to people watch. On this  particular  day as I head home for Thanksgiving,  I have been especially entertained while giving notice to the “travel world” around me. These little nuggets are just too good to keep to myself.................

• It’s always 5:00.  - Jimmy Buffet and Alan Jackson once sang “it’s five o’clock somewhere”  and I am convinced that the “somewhere” must have been an airport. There has to be an unwritten globe-trotting law that states “Drink up - it doesn’t matter what time, how much, alone or with companion - the party starts now.” What would normally be deemed “inappropriate” according to a weekday (morning)  social drinking standard now becomes acceptable because your feet are planted in the terminal. 

• Traveling with small children.  -  Now I can only imagine that this is no easy task. While enjoying my coffee and eggs benedict (alone at the airport pub), I watched and separated this insight into several categories. 1) The frustrated stroller pushers. This one comes with the subcategory of 1a) frustrated stroller pusher who’s kid won’t ride in the stroller so now you have to manage a jet-setting child and a bulky stroller. 2) The “Chasers”  = parents chasing eager  and energized children through the airport. 3) The “Push-a-longs”. This occurs when a wee little chap is unable to walk at the same brisk pace as the adult. Damn those tiny legs. 4) The leash kids. This truly speaks for itself. As if turning the child tether into a cute little dog backpack is going to make the fact the KID is on a LEASH any less traumatic. And finally 5) The S.O.S’s  - shoulder-outta-socket. Poor child being drug through the airport by their arms..... Of course there are normal child/parent travel relationships but those are less amusing and not as fun to write about. 

• For every 20 people, 2 look like the uni-bomber, 9 have not been introduced to a hair brush, 3 need a hug ( I would but I think I’ll start with a smile), 1 can’t stop staring , and 5 are still in their pajamas which will lead me into my next point...(Today I lie somewhere around find me a hairbrush -I woke up at 4:00am and excessive staring. ) I love the diversity of life that makes the world go round. 

• There is something romantic about the travel nostalgia that use to be when people got “dressed” for a days travel. Maybe it is the loss of pride or it could be the increase of laziness - the conclusion is yet to be determined. Hopefully ABC’s new show “Pan-Am” will aid in the comeback of flying in style. In the event that this does not take place, I believe it is completely possible to experience optimal traveling comfort with the absence of  pajama jeans and flannel holiday sleep wear. 

• Moving Walkways - a choice needs to be made and stuck with BEFORE you get on. Walk right, stand left, or my personal preference, make it your runway and work with whole thing. If space allows, make sure to include a hair flick, pivot, or dramatic full turn. Also, If you are feeling overly inspired, sing your own theme music. 

• Speaking of walking, there are multiple walking techniques used to get from point A to point B. You’ve got the power walker, the continual watch looker, the confused drifter, the scowler, the creeper, the dilly-dallier, the ain’t got no clue someone is trying to pass you walker, and the business man on a mission. 

• You find yourself having in-depth conversations with people for a lengthy period of time and no one introduces themselves until it’s time to say “goodbye”.  

• Couples. - I love watching couples and creating my own  internal dialogue concerning - “How  did they meet? How long have they been together? Was it love at first sight? Did she play hard to get? How long will it last? Boxers, briefs, butt floss, boy-shorts, granny panties or commando?  Where are they going? Are they equally attractive?” ect.. You know, the things that you think but don’t say out loud. This is especially entertaining for layovers longer than 2 hours. Intense creativity begins to flow if one is abiding by the unwritten globe-trotters law. 

And these are all things that take place up to boarding the airplane. Once you are on, it is a whole new ball game. ..........

• Why is everyone so in a hurry to line up and sit on a plane  for three hours where the seats have already been assigned? 

• Junk and Booty in Your Face. -  No, this is not a new, up and coming rap song. Let me explain - I prefer aisle seats. This preference is derived from my incessant need to remain hydrated. Aisle seats do have their come and go as you please perks, butt (pun intended) it also comes with a few traffic jams. After taking my seat, I proceeded to count how many times my personal space was infringed upon within a five minute span. I experienced 4 booties in the face, 2 junk in the face, and 0 “excuse me’s”. Granted, I understand that for some this may be a normal occurrence, but as for me, that is simply not how I roll. I like my bubble. Luckily, I am easily amused and can recognize the humor. I think next time I am going to pinch the butt that comes in contact with my face and give the violator a run for their money.

• I hate feeling like I am going to experience a severe reprimand for retiring to the lavatory while the fasten seat belt sign is still on. We are going to have a much bigger problem than turbulence if you force or guilt me to remain in my seat. Giving me dirty looks with your eyes is just going  speed up the need for wrinkle reduction around those peepers. And is it really necessary to get on the loud speaker to  tell everyone to remain seated directly after you glare me back to my seat? Point made. 

• The airline seriously just tried to offer/entice me inflight entertainment  for the small sum of $8.00 to view less than 3  hours of  directv. Their catch phrase of choice “Looking for something fun to do?” 1) This is 1/7th of what I would pay to watch directv for a whole month so I have a hard time discerning how this is a “good deal” for me. 2) Save the money for the next layover appears to be the better choice...... It is 5:00 right?

• Flight Attendants - people person, friendly? Who knows. They are like shopping at Ross or TJ Max  - total hit or miss. I do love when I come across the one who gets to bask in their 3 minutes of fame via stand up comedy show over the PA system upon take off or landing. 

(Ah! There is junk in my face again, right now as I type. Nope, not going to pinch. Sometimes you just can’t fight fire with fire....... One person's "junk" may be another person's treasure but I think I am going to ahve to pass on this one.)

Well it looks like my plane is approaching it’s second to last destination, thus, I must shut down all electronic devices so that my MAC activity will not be responsible for affecting the pilots ability to land.... (Conspiracy theory I tell you.) I can’t wait to entertain myself during my next layover! Definitely better than the movies!

Happy holiday travels to all! Until next time.... Stay Fabulous!

Choose Love

       The past week I have had the chance to dive into the life of Mother Teresa thanks to a class assignment. The way she lived her life was simply riveting. Humanity longs to be loved, be known, and belong. Mother Teresa understood this. Through the awareness of her own person worth in the  eyes of the Father, she contained the eyes and heart to see the value of others. Regardless of status or stature, she knew that every individual deserved to experience an encounter with the unrelenting love of Jesus Christ. She allowed herself to become a vessel carrying that message. Fueled by a lifestyle of prayer, sacrifice, and  compassion, her willingness to answer the call and say “yes” established a legacy. A prominent journalist during her time, Malcolm Muggeridge, once publicly acknowledged that “she had the viewpoint that could not consider any human being less than absolutely valuable.” Wow. What if we looked at every person we encountered and only perceived “absolute value”? 

In my personal opinion, as a society we have equated loving each other to “liking and agreeing” with each other. Mother Teresa once said,“True love is love that causes us pain, that hurts, and yet brings us joy. That is why we must pray to God and ask Him to give us the courage to love.” Experiencing love has nothing to do with what we can personally gain, but everything to with what we can give. True love must be married with sacrifice, humility, and no expectations. Love is more than feelings. We all have mood swings from time to time so our devotion must be greater than our emotion. And, just because we think that we are loving someone well, doesn’t necessarily mean that they are experiencing love. We may have to go beyond what we know and meet them where they are at with what they need rather than what we believe that they need.   

This is something that really ignites my curiosity. I want to explore and discover a tangible way for us as a society to love one another better, while personally learning how to love better myself. I cannot give away that which I do not have. I truly believe that it could quite possible be a key that could shake and shift the nation. I am not coming from an idealist standpoint and I am not talking about the overused, lifetime movie, cheesy, hallmark version of love, but the raw, unadulterated love that we were created in the image of. The kind that sees beyond differences and seeks what is best for one another reduces pride and the struggle for power. I’ve actually been inspired potentially write a book on the subject. God is on this. I want to understand it from His perspective, not from what I know or think to be true. 

“If we really want to conquer the world, we will not be able to it with bombs or weapons of destruction. Let us conquer the world with our love. Let us interweave our lives with the bonds of sacrifice and love and it will be possible for us to conquer the world.” - Mother Teresa

    A gesture does not have to be extraordinary to be great. We can transform our environment simply with a smile or by the words we choose, or by how we react to one another even when we are inconvenienced. We were created in the image of love so it is a part of us. See how many people you can smile at, see how many people you can love today. I’m going to. 

"Love Me Because You Love Me"

Love me because you love me.

Do not love to alter or fix me 

If it is change that I need 

It will happen

The encounter of pure love transforms

Love me because you love me

Not demands or control, but an action

Absent of strings or condition 

Simply love me

Make that choice your norm

Love me because you love me

Whether mindsets differ or same

Opposing views aren’t equal to  jeopardy  and self deprivation 

Stop complicating “love me”

Love is meeting one another where we are at

Love me because you love me

Criticism and judgement build confines with in

Provide and make firm a safe place

Let me BE me

Respond in a way that dissipates my established walls

Love me because you love me

The things you cannot comprehend

Reacting in such abashment

Don’t be afraid of me

Perfect love casts out all fear

Love me because you love me

My existence be known and perceived 

With the ears of your heart

Hear me 

By way compassion truly see

Love me because you love me

I long to love you, just to love you

Sharing a common desire

Acceptance 

A thread that bridges us  all

Love me because you love me

When will the scales be removed?

Commonalities surpass that which differs 

Embrace contrast

Humanity is crying out to be loved

Love me because you love me

No records, anger, or pride

Advancing  beyond self 

Heart open 

The election of love will renew the world’s life

Overcoming October

On October 25, five years ago, my life experienced it’s own personal earthquake. My comfort and security were shaken as explosions of fear entered in leaving me a prisoner. Not only was I stripped of dignity, but I was left having to defend who I was while having to process and sort through all that had been stolen from me. Vulnerable, exposed, terrified, numb, and confused- I had a choice. Where would I go from here?

Terrible situations can happen in life leaving you completely broken. It is in those moments when you feel like you have absolutely nothing inside, quenched with pain - that is if you can feel anything at all, when you actually have the most. You are left with a choice, a choice to choose Him. Bitterness wants you to question ”Why would I choose you if you let this happen in the first place?” But that is not truth nor is it reality - The nature of God is good and just and anything that contradicts, is a lie. As I was faced with the decision of whether I was going to react to the lies or respond to His truth, despite the things I did not understand, I realized that anything less than Him would not be enough. I was shown that although I had been a victim of a traumatic event that He had the power to turn the victimization into victory. Where the spirit of the Lord is, there is Freedom. 

God can and always does create beauty from ashes. It may be impossible to visualize while in the midst of pain and turmoil, but that is who He is. I know this as fact. My life bares the fruit. By His grace and goodness, I am an overcomer. 

To be quite honest, I have never fully let on or shared the magnitude by which I was impacted - especially not five years later. During the season of the recovery process it was evident but past that point, you would never know. I always chose to move forward. As my dad says, “if you are waiting on me, you are holding back.” Movement, breakthrough, and healing aside, I was deeply affected. I am a much stronger person. Since the October 25 of 2006, there has not been a single week that has gone by where the specific event has not crossed my mind - whether by purpose or subconsciously. It changed me. Sometimes I wonder if there will be a time where I am “less reminded” but until then I have to choose to trust and continue to choose Him. Fear would love to be given access into my life, but I have no place for it. 

Some might ask, “if you are TRULY healed and over what took place, then how can you still be reminded of it every week since?” When a traumatic event takes place, you don’t forget. You can block it or try to ignore it (not recommended) but you never forget. This is my philosophy - in this particular instance, it is not an issue of whether or not it remains in my mind, it is what I choose to do with the thoughts. Not all thoughts are bad thoughts. The goal is for my thoughts to draw me closer to the heart of the Father.  Even the most horrific memories can be given a good and useful purpose. Whether great or small - God is the  master of all things needing redemption. I have been given several opportunities to share my testimony and help others in similar situations. It has been beautiful. My victory can now be used as a tool to gain future victories.  

As the 5th anniversary of this particular event has rolled around, I have encountered a plethora of emotions. By no means do I consider it to be a coincidence. God’s timing is perfect and as He has been reminding me of how I have been an “overcomer”. He has also been reminding me that it is not by my own strength. It has been very humbling. Each day I have to choose to surrender to Him. No matter how strong or resilient I may feel, He still holds the keys and answers to the future. Anything that I try to do without His aid will fall short. I was born for great things and I simply cannot achieve the dreams I have for my life without Him. 

I share all this because we were all born to be over-comers and at some point and time, if not constantly, we will have to make those decisions that will determine where we will head next. Pain is inevitable and there will be moments when we fall. The great thing is that we can fall forward. 

If you continue to make choices and decisions out of past pain and hurt, you will become a prisoner locked inside of yourself, waiting to eventually self destruct. There will never be satisfaction and you will always feel like a victim as if the world is against you. The void will be felt. You won’t step into the greatest that God has for your life. 

Choose Him! He will make the ashes and the mud in your life something beautiful. Keep in mind, that beauty is a process- just ask any woman you know. We do NOT wake up looking this good. There are certain steps and time required to get to the end goal. Embrace the process. Don’t let yourself go. 

Put your faith in the Father, forgive, fall forward, and flourish. Your life will be a beautiful testament of the victorious nature of God. You are an overcomer. You have already won. Make the choice. 

The Gift of Extraordinary Friendships

Twenty - six years ago, on October 17, someone extremely special to me was born. At an early age, I was not only blessed with a friend, but someone I proudly and undeniably call a sister. God gave me three sisters and ever since our uniting, there has never been a dull moment or any absence of laughter or inside joke. We have been through hell and back again together - but no matter what the circumstance, our relationships with one another have allowed us to witness and play a part in a bond, that in my opinion, is a little taste of heaven. I would do anything or drop anything to be there for them, and I know they would do ( and have done) the same. I am so very thankful.

This got me thinking. 

Through out life I have been given the gift of extraordinary friendships. Most people are lucky to go through sharing their time on this earth with at least one person who truly gets them. I can honestly say, without a shadow of doubt, that I have been fortunate to experience this with not one, but with seven individuals. I have managed to build strong ties and relationships with others along the way, but there have been exclusively and especially seven, that despite trials and obstacles and changes in our paths, they have undeniably known me and loved me. ( I will say, that with this seven, plus the several others who have touched my life, I will be having one heck of a wedding party someday. Woo Hoo - PAR- TAY!) 

We don’t talk every day, we haven’t always lived in the same town, we may not have always agreed, but they are what my dad would call “Trench Men”. They are the one’s who will get in the trenches, stand with you no matter what , not ask questions, but simply love you and be there for you in the moment you are in. You don't have to talk about it, you always know where you are with one another.  These girls won’t always tell you what you want to hear- they naturally hold you to a higher standard, especially when you don’t recognize your own greatness, but it’s always out of love. My blessing has spoiled me. I cannot imagine walking my journey with out them nor could I have ever made it with out them. They have been a shining example of what it is to experience unconditional love- the type of love we were born for.  

The one thing about growing up and stepping into adulthood is that you each begin to create your individual lives in a new fashion. The days of doing “nothing” together become few and far between but the relationship doesn’t lose strength - it just looks different. No matter how far the miles may be between us, who they are and what they mean to me will never change. I only hope that I can be to them who they have consistently been to me. Even with the physical absence of one, her spirit and life legacy still remain with each passing day. Her life will always have impact and help shape mine as I continue to keep her memory alive.   

I absolutely cannot wait until all of our children get to grow up knowing one another. Whether they end up being best friends like their mother’s, I pray that on some level, they are privileged enough to experience a friendship of the same caliber. Thank you girls for being there for me through thick and thin, ups and downs, joys and sorrows, near and far, talking often to talking less than we would like,  complex and mundane, our celebrations and life changes, amidst the laughter and the tears. There are no words that will ever be able to express the thankfulness and love that I have known due to your presence in my life. I will always be one of your greatest fans! I make it a pledge to always partner with you and do whatever I can to see all your dreams come true! You have helped make me who I am . BFFs 4EVR. LYLAS always!

The best is yet to come! Here’s to many more years of memories, laughter, and awkward moments! ( I am now taking a sip of my wine in your honor. Cheers. )

Feeling Pretty Blogelicious.

I’ve got a lot on my mind and even more in my heart.

I came to the conclusion that an outlet to share and express that which is within me would prove to itself to be quite beneficial. Since I have yet to be offered my own talk show on Oprah’s new network, I figured that I could settle with the creation of a blog for the time being. 

The idea of a blog makes me feel very “Carrie in Sex in the City”. Even at this very moment I am sitting at my desk, on my MAC, coffee by my side, starring out my window. Unfortunately my view is NOT the New York City skyline. Instead I see a rain gutter filled with leaves ( better get my cabana boy on that one) and the maintenance truck in which the driver likes to notify the tenants of his current mood via magnets which he constructs happy, sad, indifferent, or angry faces with on the side door. Some day I plan to bedazzle those magnets, but that could be a whole other blog post in itself. You’ve got to start somewhere.......

I was designed to be a catalyst for change. Brimming with passion and the desire to shape history, it can sometimes be challenging to know where to start and not try to conquer it all at once. I’ve got quite a list of things I long to accomplish. 

Some that know me may consider me to be an extremist. If I am going to be “in” then I am going to charge ahead full force. Go big or go home. I’m either engaged or I am not. There is not a whole lot of middle of the road. Let me preface, that while I may air on the side of extremity, I do understand the value of balance and moderation. I’m not a total loose cannon.

Through out life, I have not always taken the accustomed route. Even on the due date of my birth, rather than come out on time, 18 days late apparently seemed much better. My poor mother. In the realm of higher education I have also managed to extend the allotted time. Despite the speed bumps along the way, I have still remained true to myself and always followed my heart even when it has not made sense to those around me. The gift of self discovery and confidence in who I am and Who’s I am that I received on my unconventional path has proved to be much more valuable than following along and keeping up  with the status quo. I go with my gut. I get me. You don’t have to. I will say that God knew what He was doing (as He always does) when He gave me my mother and father. They have always allowed me to march to my own beat even when I know there were times they really wanted to ring my neck and give me a swift kick in the pants. The unconditional support has given me wings and because of that I know no confines. 

Every single one of us has something to offer this world. We ALL carry a message. I think it is time we attempted to discover exactly what that is. In the process of determining our message, it is important to not take ourselves too seriously. This only creates a distraction from us truly just “being” which is really one of the greatest messages we can portray. The world is missing out if we don’t share a little piece of us each day. 

People, the glass is always half full. There may be some curdled milk in that glass but it is still half full. Being the believer and chaser of dreams that I am, I’m devoted to the idea that our lives are overflowing with limitless possibilities. Rather than focusing on why our glass contains curdled milk, maybe we need to seek out a way to exchange the milk for a nice glass of cabernet. (Rinse out the glass first, of course.)

Through this blog I want to inspire, reveal beauty, create hope, bring about smiles and laughter and simply share my views and opinions ( I have quite a few) on life and the things that I love. There are no boundaries, this blog is my oyster. Through it, I also want to challenge myself to write often as well as search out and seek answers for the issues that I have such strong opinions about. I want to be a part of the solution rather than reinforce the problem. I will also be sharing lots of random as well as exposing you to the multi-faceted life of Jessica Fair. Get ready..

I am very excited about the commencement of my blogelicious blog. Here we go. Until next time - 

Be Fabulous. Be Free. Be Confident. Be Creative. Be a Voice.