What the enemy intends for evil and destruction, there is always an avenue for the Lord to redeem and take back that which has been stolen. Nothing goes wasted in the kingdom, for in every situation there is an opportunity for the glory and goodness of God to be revealed. It can be difficult to see the sun breaking through the clouds in the midst of a storm, but it will not rain forever. He made that promise. Remember the rainbow?
As American’s, we live in an instant gratification society and expect immediate results causing us become easily discouraged when something does not happen in the span that we imagine it should . If the solution doesn’t present itself in a timely manner, then it must not be the correct path or the quick fix for us, right? Wrong! I am naturally a “get-er-done” kind of girl. I get my mind set on something and I experience the incessant need to go get it now. I have learned impulse control- at least I am actively working on it.
If I’ve said it once, I’ll say it again - “timing is everything!” As I continue to walk this notion out, I have learned along the way that there is so much beauty in the waiting room. What? Yes, beauty in the waiting room. We have all been to the doctor where we have anxiously and impatiently sat, checking our watches , waiting for our name to be called so we can then, go sit and wait a bit longer in a small confined room for the the doctor to finally see you. I’ve always wondered, “Why do doctors schedule appointments like this if they aren’t going to be ready at the allotted time slot?” What if the doctor is really on time, just not on our time? Hmm....
In hindsight, I would not have experienced the full magnitude of the blessing that God had in store for my life if an instantaneous result or answer would have taken place in many (and most) situations. I would have never developed trust in He who desires for me not only experience goodness, but greatness. My independent self, would also have never learned how to be dependent on the one who orders my steps (Proverbs 16:9). I would have never given HiM time to shape and mold me into the woman He longs for me to be.
I am here to tell you that God is a promise maker and a promise KEEPER!
This past week I was given the opportunity to share a portion of my testimony as a guest on a radio show through an organization called Mercy Ministries via www.mercymultiplied.org. It was an incredibly wonderful experience! (Watch out Oprah) I’m still astonished at the fact that God chose me. WOW! Five years ago this past October, I was the victim of rape. This was the story I shared with millions of listeners. While raising awareness concerning a prevalent issue, the focus was not on the trauma, but how I have experienced freedom and restoration. I have been transformed from victim to victor! 7 months after my incident, I received a promise from God that “my life would not be wasted” along with the verse 2 Samuel 23:2 “The Spirit of the LORD speaks through me; his words are upon my tongue.” I found this hard to believe at the time, given the circumstance. About a year after the rape, I wrote down that I desired to have the opportunity to minister to women who have been sexually or physically abused and release identity and hope. Again, I had no clue how this would take shape. I am convinced that God can take even the most ugliest of situations and bring forth beauty.
March 22,2012 was the fulfillment of that promise. Over 5 years after the rape and about 4 years after those desires had been placed in my heart, I was ready. His timing was perfect. I was able to speak from a place of authority as I had defeated the enemy (not on my own accord). There was no shame, no bitterness or animosity, no fear, no condemnation - nothing but freedom, hope, confidence, identity and wholeness .What we carry with in us is always meant to be given away. Freely we receive, freely we shall give. If my messaged helped one person encounter God, experience freedom and gain their voice back, then being completely vulnerable on live radio was absolutely worth it! It’s all out there now. My heart’s desire was to share my testimony with the hope others would have a revelation of the greatness that resides within them, allowing them to experience freedom and step into the fullness of who they are. Being raped does not define me. I believe that by revealing my past, others can receive liberation for their future. I must point out that God did not cause for this to happen - pain and hurt is never His will for us. The boys who chose to do this had free will - but God stood there with me in the situation, carried me through, and took the evil and has created good.
The restoration did not take place over night. Yes, I do believe that could be possible since nothing is impossible when you partner with the Holy Spirit. For me however, it was a process involving many revelations, mental rewiring, and trust.
There truly is no formula and no box we have to fit inside. I think God likes to color outside of the lines with some of us. Freedom and restoration might look different for everyone, but these are the steps that I’ve recognized in my life and they continue to resonate with my spirit. Where the spirit of the Lord is, there is Freedom
(2 Cor. 3:17) Whether you have been physically, sexually, or emotionally abused and violated, THERE IS HOPE! You can experience a renewed sense of self. This is not limited to abuse - but any area of life where you carry a burden and weight that is not meant for you to bear. It’s time to get rid of those chains! (Or as Jay -Z would rap “You gotta get that dirt of ya shoulders..... Go and brush yo shouldas off.” )
This is what I found be beneficial and fruitful:
- MAKE THE CHOICE
YOU have to choose to move forward. No one can force you or make the decision for you. You are a STRONG and POWERFUL individual and you CAN do this! You may have to make the choice day by day or even multiple times a day, but this resolution will help you take that first step into restoration. The choice may be painful. That’s ok, it won’t always be.
The past does not define your future. Instead, let it refine your future.
- THERE IS A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN DEPENDING ON YOURSELF AND DEPENDING ON GOD
No matter who you think you are, you CANNOT, I repeat CANNOT do this without relying on God. You will fail - plain and simple. When we are weak, He is strong. That is what good dad’s do - they allow us to depend on them. We take our best and meet it with God’s best.
Maybe you have never experienced Jesus and the comfort of His Spirit, and if that is you, where ever you are, whatever you are going through, I pray that in this very moment the Spirit of the Lord would rest upon you and you would begin to tangibly witness and feel His presence as you never have before, that He would begin to speak to you and a feeling of safety and peace would cover you from the top of your head to the tips of your toes as the refreshing life that He has to bring would captivate and penetrate your soul. He’ll never leave you. Maybe you have never invited Jesus to rule in your life as your savior - ask Him now. There is no fancy prayer, just be real, raw, and honest - just ask. Best decision you will ever make.
- AJUST YOUR LIFE TO ATTAIN TOTAL HEALING AND RESTORATION IF YOU NEED TO
Sometimes we might need to change our setting or environment to begin the healing process. I am NOT saying to run from your problem. For myself, God led me to a new city where I was given the opportunity to focus on Him and begin discovering my identity in Him - for you, it might getting rid of objects that remind you of the incident, getting new friends, changing your phone number, re-evaluating your social setting, ect.. If it’s not bringing you up, it’s dragging you down. Just take a look around you - you’ll know.
- EVERYTHING GREAT IS BIRTHED OUT OF INTIMACY WITH THE FATHER
God is not a distant God. He’s always speaking, we just have to train our senses to recognize His voice. Become His friend - God tells His secrets to His friends. Rather than think of it as a set aside prayer time, begin creating a constant dialogue. He who can be trusted with a little, can be trusted with a lot.
Good is in a GOOD mood. He is soooooo for you!
Decide that all you need is His spirit and you will never need a thing.
- SEPARATE LIES FROM TRUTH
I literally did this in list form. I wrote down every lie I believed about God and myself on a sheet of paper. I then stared at sheet of deception that lay before me and tears began to rush from my eyes. I finally destroyed the paper and flushed it down the toilet. After, I asked God to replace those lies with truth. I created a new list. I heard all sorts of things - many of which I did not believe and couple that I actually had to look up in the dictionary. This was probably one of the single most significant spiritual events that has ever taken place in my life. I would carry the list with me and anytime I began to struggle with self-hatred or self-consciousness, I would bust out the list and read over and over again. I would think to myself, “ Ok God, if you say so... I DO NOT believe this yet, but I’m going to trust you on this one”.
I re-read this list the other day, and tears came to my eyes once again as I realized that I truly believed every single truth on the list!!! Wow! That was a huge accomplishment for me considering the battle that took place between myself and the Lord for me to even jot a few of the items down. I really love myself and who I am. Best list I ever made. I am not an exception to the rule. This self-love that I speak of is meant for YOU.
Lies create self destruction. Anything that contradicts the nature of God is a lie. That is a good place to start. If you don’t know the true nature of God, go back to intimacy. He’ll reveal Himself. EXPECT to experience goodness.
- FORGIVE
Forgive yourself. It was not your fault. It was beyond your control. You did not cause this to happen. Forgive yourself. We are our own worst enemy and greatest critic. It will be impossible to move forward if you can’t forgive you.
- FORGIVE
Forgive the one that hurt you. This is not easy. Forgiving does not mean that you are agreeing with what happened and it doesn’t mean that you are going to forget. It most certainly doesn’t mean that you will trust them . Trust is often earned. It’s making a choice to let go of the bitterness that will destroy you. I really think that forgiveness if more for us than it is for the one who wronged you. You may have to do this more than once until it sinks in. I did. That’s ok. It’s a process. Give yourself some grace.
God forgives us on a daily basis. Who are we not to forgive?
- GET A MIND TRANSPLANT
Check your mindset. Are you polluting your world with negative thoughts or choosing to see the goodness around you. What you focus on you become. (see previous blog post)
- ALLOW YOURSELF TO FEEL AND LET OTHERS IN
Let the feelings draw you towards God. Don’t try to numb out what is taking place. This will create a cycle and get you no where but stuck on repeat. Let people in and allow them to help you if need be.
Your devotion has to be stronger than your emotion.
- KNOW WHOS YOU ARE AND WHOS YOU ARE
You are a child of God! You are royalty. There is absolutely nothing that could cause God to love you more or less. You are simply perfect for Him to use! He used me, and I sure don’t have it all together. You are chosen!
- KEEP GOING. YOUR LIFE WILL NOT BE WASTED
Take it step by step and day by day. You are worth it! You are valuable!
“Nothing is impossible for even that says I’m Possible” ~ Audrey Hepburn
Normally once a story has come full circle, "The end" seems to be the most appropriate close.... But really it is only THE BEGINNING! Enjoy the journey to freedom! You’re worth it. Jesus died for it! It’s time to truly live!
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